Basking in the sweet effervescent glow of Idiocracy…

So you’ve just finished stuffing your face with turkey and calorie drenched sides. The next day you are out attacking the sale racks at five in the morning. Now you have entered the months of December, or what has been commonly labeled as “the holidays”. Millions of women and men are temporarily leaving their diets to chow down on gingerbread cookies, while emptying their wallets of every penny. Fake snow riddled with glitter and fluff is spread indiscriminately all over the floor of toy stores. Loud, cheesy, Christmas music deriving from all generations is played at full blast from cars and household stereos. So much of America is perplexed by this holiday, but what about the people that aren’t? They ask the same question that I do (although I consider myself one of the many Christmas minions). What is all of the commotion about?

So there he is. The second or third most powerful reason why Christmas is so popular among children. Of course, the most important thing in a child’s mind is the idea of receiving tons of presents. Opening with the joy of seeing a toy that they asked their parents for, or hoping that they got that new Justin Beiber doll. As a young kid I always said that the most important things was spending time with my family. While I did find importance in that, I know I would be very pissed if I had to go a year without at least two gifts.

Adults don’t quite have the luxury of expecting to receive without giving. If you have kids, you must get them gifts. If you can’t get them gifts, tell them that Santa got drunk and couldn’t deliver that year. If you are lucky, they just might let you off with a warning. If not, well…you might have to get the tough face out.

(Due to my failure to find a good non-copyrighted picture of a person making a strange face, you are going to have to visualize it yourself)

So, lets review. Children think of Christmas as a time to get gifts. Adults think of it as a time to go broke. What about the strange cross-breed between Adult and Child? That’s right folks. I’m talking about teenagers.

Teens thrive upon angst and rebellion and awkwardness, but what really goes on in that mind of theirs? Some still live in that Childish world of take,take,take. Upper middle-class parents give and give, but they never seem to give enough. Then there are they lucky parents that get a teen who is moving away from that mentality. They start to think in the form of take, give, take; or sometimes even take,take,contribute.  They conflict with themselves. Is it better to give? Or receive? I asked this question many times. Sometimes, it just feels really good to give.

So everyone get ready for the most wonderful time of year. With all of your mall shop stampedes and high electricity bills. We make this holiday great with our intentions. Enjoy it while it lasts, because pretty soon we’ll be talking about post-christmas situations.

Many aspiring writers are looking to be famous. However, most start like I am. With no viewers. It’s very much like writing to a wall. Well, a cyber wall full of  MMO geeks and porn addicts. So to continue with my sad lack of veiwers, I will rant about crap that no one cares about.

Traffic vs. Road Rage 

What the hell is wrong with drivers these days? There is an insane paranoia that comes along with driving. It causes to people to lose their minds. If you don’t know what I am talking about then you are probably one of many victims of road rage. Google: Define Road rage… Noun: Violent anger caused by the stress and frustration involved in driving a motor vehicle. That is only half of the description. The main word Google left out was CRAZY. I have been in a car with someone who has no sense of reality while driving. For the sake of anonymity lets call her Betsy.

So Betsy and I are driving merrily along. We are talking about rollerskating when suddenly a car cuts in front of her. Instead of honking, cursing a little, and driving of like most Americans she takes a different approach. Betsy swerves into the lane on the other side of the car, with turning on her signals, and rolls down her window to have a full length argument with the other driver. She screams profanities and death threats. Once Betsy is done letting off steam she drives away at 90mph on a 55mph highway.

Crappy Interpretation

So now Betsy just broke several road laws, gave the passenger a heart attack, and still managed not to get caught by the authorities. Twenty minutes later a man in a different car does the same exact thing that Betsy did. So what does she do now? Applaud the drivers recklessness? Complements their raging maneuverability? No, she calls the police.

“People driving like that deserve to be caught. Who the hell do they think they are? Putting people in danger like that. IDIOTS!”

Now this is where the passenger is left utterly dumbfounded. Isn’t the driver aware of his/her own actions. DO’H! Looks like someone just learned about the blindness of road rage. I’ve been in plenty of awkward situations in a car. I am almost immune to them now. All I have to do is be quiet. If I make the mistake of saying something that the driver doesn’t agree with, the rage won’t be on the road anymore. It will come into the car. Don’t let a crazy driver abuse you. Let the abuse remain on the road. Unless, of course, they hit someone. In that case…you’re fucked.

The Zombie Movie Morons: The ones you want to die

Do you Ever find yourself rooting for the zombies to kill a single character or an entire group? Well I do, all of the time. I begin watching the movie hopeful for mankind. Then as the story progresses I think…What the hell are they doing? What is the point of killing one zombie with a gun and alerting an entire hoard just so that you can run away again. The smart characters are the ones with baseball bats. The dumb ones carry machine guns. It’s that simple. Yes, you want to insure your safety. So if you must bring a gun, hold it at your side and leave the trigger on safety. Use a damn ax for most encounters.

Another thing about zombie movies I hate. The annoying bitch or douche that gets everyone killed. There is always someone making the most brilliantly stupid mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, but seriously don’t make these.

• Start up a chainsaw in a moving vehicle
• Assume a zombie is dead after hitting or shooting it once
• Try to make amends with a friend who just turned into a zombie
• Pretend to be a zombie and walk into a huge undead crowd
• Think that a bunch of fireworks is your get out of jail free card
• Try to choke, drown, or starve a zombie (you’d have to be a real dumbass to do any of those things)
• Set of a bomb right next to your escape vehicle